So today, in my class, this guy and this girl just broke up, so she left class early because we were all in the same group together. So I said “This is why you should say single” or something to that affect, and i said that i have been single for 19 years. He was taken aback and said “you never had a boyfriend.” Obviously I said no. Still in shock he asked like quietly was I a virgin. I said yeah like he should have known that, because basically in my high school everybody knew this about me. It’s not a big deal to me. He seriously was so surprised because he said “well in college I just assumed everybody is doing it.” To me in high school, I didn’t see any of the guys I went to school with as men, I saw them as boys. Like to me they were basically Ken dolls with a little smooth area down there. I told him that too. He seriously said “guys don’t like virgins.” What crack has he been smoking! If that were true then the population would have already ceased to exist. My friend who was in the middle of us said that wasn’t true. Thank you that somebody has sense. I mean if you had an option to buy a new or used car what would you pick? This logic, can’t really be applied to guys. lol But he still is really taken aback and thinks it’s funny that I am indeed a virgin. To me, it’s not a big deal that he finds this funny. I think it’s funny that he finds it funny. For me, it’s normal that I am. I’m a freaking unicorn and I’m more than cool with it. Just thought I’d tell you about my day lol

So, I haven’t written on her for a while. I was going to just incorporate my personal blog with my regular blog. Eh, I guess I really do both.

Right now I feel lonely. Like I don’t want to be that girl who’s like I want a boyfriend every freaking post, but I do. I want that extension of me if that makes sense. I want some to hold and to hold me. Fuck, I want a boyfriend.

you know how parents just want to protect you? i get that. but sometimes i feel as if they don’t want their child to live. i understand they don’t want their child making the mistakes they made, and we get that and understand that, but it is as if we don’t get to experience anything if we listen every single time. life is about lessons. we can’t learn our own lessons if you keep taking the exams for us. let us make mistakes. life is no fun if you don’t have a couple nicks and scars to show for it. being trapped in a bubble is no life. if people never questioned each other we would still be living in the dark ages. live and make mistakes. we’re human. its the definition of to make mistakes.

my parents find the need to ask my what’s wrong a billion (hyperbole) times and really nothing is wrong. them asking is the only thing that is wrong and the fact that my hand is cramping up as i’m typing this. what the hell? anyway, i’ll get through this little funk of mine i just need friends who help me be a little more happy. damn it, i miss my friend kaitlin who no matter what we knew what was going on in each others day. she was really a best friend if i think about it. or maybe she was the first friendship that i had like that. i dunno. i was never really a people person. i’m kind of awkward when it comes to people. and that’s my time to stop because this post could go on forever filled with run-ons of questions of my life and relationships with people and yadayada. well night.

i daydream and i feel special and then i realize how many other people are probably dreaming the same thing and then i feel like everyone else and that i have no chance of it ever coming true.